That's Not How You Should Talk to Someone You're Pining For!

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That's Not How You Should Talk to Someone You're Pining For!
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I mean, fir real, man? That's the way you talk to the ladies in your life? Willow be damned... - Matty Malaprop

Wood You Please Stop?

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Wood You Please Stop?
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These puns are giving me a splintering headache.

Ugh, Your Ideas Are Always So Coconuts!

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Ugh, Your Ideas Are Always So Coconuts!
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Say what you will about my ever-expanding collection of lava lamps! I still maintain that they're an evergreen decor item! - Matty Malaprop

Tree's a Crowd

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Tree's a Crowd
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Her boyfriend's name is Douglas Fir, but what she doesn't know is he's been pollenating with other lady-trees and is now a carrier of Phytophthora root rot. - Matty Malaprop

Oh, the Things You Read on YewTube...

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Oh, the Things You Read on YewTube...
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These people really oughta stop with this conversation before they all make ashes out of themselves. - Matty Malaprop