Tree's a Crowd

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Her boyfriend's name is Douglas Fir, but what she doesn't know is he's been pollenating with other lady-trees and is now a carrier of Phytophthora root rot. - Matty Malaprop

Does That Mean I'm Allowed to Cut You Down?

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Maybe I'm just too cynical to appreciate love, but I've always felt like weddings are simply mulch ado about nothing. - Matty Malaprop

She Just Wants to Go Back to Her Own Living Quarters

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The doctors had never seen anything like it before. They even had to coin a new term to describe the situation! - Matty Malaprop