After reading this groan-worthy pizza puns, I really feel like I could use a margherita. - Matty Malaprop

This overly long Facebook abomination is your fault, Darth Waiter... - Matty Malaprop

All I can recommend is that Matthew take some medicine and go to bed, lest he wants to Diggory his own grave! - Matty Malaprop

Maybe I'm just too cynical to appreciate love, but I've always felt like weddings are simply mulch ado about nothing. - Matty Malaprop

Her boyfriend's name is Douglas Fir, but what she doesn't know is he's been pollenating with other lady-trees and is now a carrier of Phytophthora root rot. - Matty Malaprop

... and also wouldn't it be "ARRRRange?" Ugh, some punsters' children... - Matty Malaprop