I will simply never understand how that song became a hit(ler) single... - Matty Malaprop

I'm talon you, I haven't laughed this hard in weeks! - Matty Malaprop

Can't really blame the kid; last time I got gassed up at the dentist, I walked out of there thinking I was a queen, too. - Matty Malaprop

Rats! Just when I thought I was gonna net my art historian/gear head dream girl, she tells me she's just not into boys! - Matty Malaprop

It felt good to be... out-of-office auto-reply? - Matty Malaprop

So yeah... just in case anyone hasn't seen this... somehow... thanks for the submission, I guess? - Matty Malaprop

Eating all that candy seemed like such a great idea last night... but now my stomach is just a hot fuss. - Matty Malaprop