He Was Popping Without Stopping Before it Was Cool

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He Was Popping Without Stopping Before it Was Cool
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What brand of chip is this? Oh, well it's pretty obscure. You've probably never heard of it. - Matty Malaprop

... But Where is the Hare?

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... But Where is the Hare?
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He's a fearsome god, but he'd probably be more fearsome with glasses. He's painfully Mjolnir-sighted. - Matty Malaprop

No One Will Try to Slash Your Tires Ever Again!

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No One Will Try to Slash Your Tires Ever Again!
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And man does that self-regeneration sure help you save on your insurance! - Matty Malaprop

A Great Synopsis of Last Night's Big Game

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A Great Synopsis of Last Night's Big Game
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Submitted by: Unknown (via PBS Nature)
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They only want you to THINK the Ravens won. #Owls5eva - Matty Malaprop

A Joke as Old as the Scrolls Themselves

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A Joke as Old as the Scrolls Themselves
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... because they're Elder Scrolls, see? See what I did there? I'm so terribly sorry I did that. :( - Matty Malaprop

Get over here and play a video game!

What a Classic(al) Jackson Five Track!

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What a Classic(al) Jackson Five Track!
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I'mma just say it: Johann Sebastian Jackson still sounds WAY BETTER than freakin' Jermajesty Jackson. - Matty Malaprop

I Promise to Never Dessert You!

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I Promise to Never Dessert You!
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If you ever move, I'm going to tiramis-u so much! - Matty Malaprop