Maybe we can pick out whatever keeps stopping it up with some redemption tongs? - Matty Malaprop
name
TOTALLY TRUE FACT THAT'S TOTALLY NOT TRUE: Turtles have incredibly hairy undersides, and regular waxing is mandatory for all good turtle owners. - Matty Malaprop
Submitted by:
tonis
It's not a lie if I vaguely but literally state exactly what the picture depicts, right? Right? - Matty Malaprop
Submitted by:
Unknown (via Punblr)
Um... well... I mean... OH COME ON THAT'S JUST NOT FAIR YOU CAN'T MAKE LEMONADE WITH MILK! - Matty Malaprop
Submitted by:
Hyper.Threaded
Submitted by:
urkelbot666
SPOILER ALERT: HE'S BEEN A GOOSE THE WHOLE TIME!!!11!!!!!1!!! - Matty Malaprop
Submitted by:
Unknown (via Reddit)
They're not the kind to nickle and dime you, but they're definitely the kind to needle and thread you. - Matty Malaprop
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