The day I eat mushrooms for breakfast is the day I stop feeling like they have the same texture as pencil erasers. Which is to say NEVER. - Matty Malaprop

Obviously the pastor's name is Harold, and the deceased's is Maude. - Matty Malaprop

This. This right here. This is my life every damn day of the week. I am not a proud man. - Matty Malaprop