Sallie Mae is not your girlfriend, no matter how much you'd like to believe otherwise. - Matty Malaprop
Ferris wheel? More like unfairest wheel, amirite? - Matty Malaprop
The storm he brewed could have leveled all of the Midwest, but fortunately he turned off the coil right in the Nik of time. - Matty Malaprop
I mean, how could you not like her? Her songs are full of rapier wit and her meow-y voice is nigh irresistible! #Sarcasm - Matty Malaprop
Because driving an aquarium just takes far too much work, really. - Matty Malaprop
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