Sometimes you just need someone to walk with on the mean streets... because you're dead in the middle of oncoming traffic and whatnot, and it's nice to have a human shield standing by. - Matty Malaprop

Eins, zwei, drei, vier me! - Matty Malaprop

I just hope they don't get too plastered tonight, otherwise I have a feeling the bro who's hosting the party's gonna have to scrape 'em off of each other in the morning. - Matty Malaprop

Someone please explain it to me? HOW IS THIS A PUN? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? OH GOD HOW I REGRET SPENDING ALL OF MY TIME IN PRE-CALC LISTENING TO BRIGHT EYES AND TURNING PERFECT CIRCLES INTO CRYING EMO FACES IN MY TEXT BOOK. - Matty Malaprop