You know what they say... you can't have a wedding without a bride and gloom. - Matty Malaprop

And by "the easy way" I of course mean the wrong way, because everyone knows tenses in French are the purest form of confounding hell and not like they are in English at all. - Matty Malaprop

I wonder if Santa's helpers are just as husky as he is... - Matty Malaprop

Unless that's an awkwardly shaped piece of cinnamon in a cup of cocoa, I'm not particularly interested. Thanks for the offer though, I guess. - Matty Malaprop

... the title of this post is what I'm imagining the cactus says in the next panel of this comic. Because anthropomorphic cactuses with a taste for bacon. Or something. - Matty Malaprop

CURSE YOU HOMOPHONES! WHY MUST YOU WREAK HAVOC ON MY FOOD-WORD ASSOCIATIONS? - Matty Malaprop

Being a bird isn't all it's quacked up to be, you know! - Matty Malaprop