I don't know about the rest of you, but my parents always had a knack for predicting arrival times at places to a T. - Matty Malaprop

And here I thought you needed tact and self-confidence... clearly I'm a damn fool! - Matty Malaprop

... in more ways than one, I mean. - Matty Malaprop

It sounds like this poor bird really egrets ever leaving you. I guess it just goes to show that love is always fight or flight. - Matty Malaprop

Finally an add that is fail-proof in its singular objective of tickling your fancy. - Matty Malaprop

Source: Comic Blasphemy

There's no crying in therapy.