This overly long Facebook abomination is your fault, Darth Waiter... - Matty Malaprop

Now that I think about it, putting au jus on tso chicken sounds downright dreadful... I think I just killed all my taste buds with my post title... - Matty Malaprop

Lingering ligaments beat sprinting sinews any day of the week when you're a zombie. - Matty Malaprop

Editor's Note: This video contains foul language, fouler puns, and sexy drunk kitchen shenanigans. - Matty Malaprop

Some breakfasts only fill your stomach, but Quaker True Grits are a meal that really gets your body Coen in the morning. - Matty Malaprop

... so does that mean he wants to become a banana breadwinner? - Matty Malaprop