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And this, children, is what happens when you open your big mouthpieces. - Matty Malaprop

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Via Punblr
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"Nice ass," I hooted, as I admired the newborn donkey in my uncle's barn. - Matty Malaprop

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Anyone wanna lend this guy a hand? I'm sure he'll think you're a real Swedeheart for doing it! - Matty Malaprop

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By Kevin Bacon
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Good or bad, elevator sex always ends with someone getting the shaft. If you know what I mean. - Matty Malaprop