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"Nice ass," I hooted, as I admired the newborn donkey in my uncle's barn. - Matty Malaprop

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Her boyfriend's name is Douglas Fir, but what she doesn't know is he's been pollenating with other lady-trees and is now a carrier of Phytophthora root rot. - Matty Malaprop

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I asked him to STOP, but he refused to even YIELD his kleptomaniacal deeds! - Matty Malaprop