It's Kanye or the Highway

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It's Kanye or the Highway
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In other news, Kanye West used the ol' Nietzsche defense to dodge a lawsuit recently, so basically my life is complete?

See more Facebook funny over here!

He's Going to Feel Like a Foul Ball in the Morning, I Reckon

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He's Going to Feel Like a Foul Ball in the Morning, I Reckon
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Unrelated to this joke: Why don't more people use the phrase "I reckon" nowadays? It's just so fun to say! - Matty Malaprop

Sea? Dreams Do Come True!

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Sea? Dreams Do Come True!
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Just be warned, Blue. Marine Biology is a challenging field. I really hope for your sake that you have someone to go home and cuttle with at the end of the day. - Matty Malaprop

I Feel So Betrayed!

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I Feel So Betrayed!
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I asked him to STOP, but he refused to even YIELD his kleptomaniacal deeds! - Matty Malaprop

TWIST ENDING: They Don't Even Serve Seafood!

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TWIST ENDING: They Don't Even Serve Seafood!
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In fact they're a high-end restaurant devoted solely to fancy beef dinners, and the mother in the story is pescetarian. All in all the whole evening ended up being a total cabasstrophe. - Matty Malaprop

Tree's a Crowd

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Tree's a Crowd
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Her boyfriend's name is Douglas Fir, but what she doesn't know is he's been pollenating with other lady-trees and is now a carrier of Phytophthora root rot. - Matty Malaprop