In Honor of No-Shave November

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attached,beard,daddy issues,excuse,facial hair,grown,Hall of Fame,literalism,man
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If you mustache a man why he would feel a fondness for his facial hair, then you'll probably never truly understand. - Matty Malaprop

Your Throat Must Be Foal of Phlegm...

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cannot,double meaning,excuse,hoarse,homophone,horse,literalism,reason,talk
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Pygmyponyngitis is a silent but deadly disease -- one that ought be feared by all Dental Floss Tycoons the world over. - Matty Malaprop

I'VE SAID TOO MUCH

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deep cuts,excuse,foot in mouth,funeral,homophone,morning,mourning,time
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This. This right here. This is my life every damn day of the week. I am not a proud man. - Matty Malaprop

Damn You, Daki-Makura!

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body pillow,daki-makura,do not want,double meaning,excuse,food,literalism,stuffed
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She's always spewing out excuses, and all of them are fluff. - Matty Malaprop

Download the new Cheezburger app for a chance to win a PS4! in Cheezburger 's Hangs on LockerDome