This is Slander!

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At Least the Stairs Are Level-Headed

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But Why Would One Ever Want to?

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I mean seriously people, this isn't the damn Labyrinth we're talking about! And if David Bowie isn't waiting for me pelvis-out in a beautiful codpiece when I go through a door, well then I don't want to go through that door at all! - Matty Malaprop