Let Me Just Go Call 911 Now...

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Let Me Just Go Call 911 Now...
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I'm sure they'll be more than happy to phile a report about the neighborhood's latest creepy pedostrian. - Matty Malaprop

Chill Out Guys; It's Perfectly Normal!

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Chill Out Guys; It's Perfectly Normal!
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Obviously the pastor's name is Harold, and the deceased's is Maude. - Matty Malaprop

What a Lovely Sight

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What a Lovely Sight
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Sometimes it's simply better not to ask. The responses you might warrant can often be meteorically disturbing. - Matty Malaprop

Inside a Microsoft Mouse

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Inside a Microsoft Mouse
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And here I thought it was just circuitry and other electronic thingamajigs I don't understand... - Matty Malaprop

Reason Number 1,307,248 Not to Trust Craigslist

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Reason Number 1,307,248 Not to Trust Craigslist
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The part of her ad this comic doesn't show is the creepiest part of all: "I've got the love of a thousand hearts to give you, and I can offer you ass for days..." - Matty Malaprop

The Pit and the Pendul-UM.

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The Pit and the Pendul-UM.
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Q: How to you make the Teletubbies even creepier? A: Have them recite such works as "Hop-Frog" and "The Telltale Heart" while prancing around in their already vaguely sexual and inappropriate way.

... aaaaaaaaaaand QED. - Matty Malaprop