Police Always Know How to Put a Negative Spin on Things

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assault,battery,charge,contacts,copper,police,slang,variations on a theme
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In the end, he wound up in a holding Duracell, but he tried to stay positive about the whole messy affair. - Matty Malaprop

Now I See Why You Said That!

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contacts,eye,literalism,advice,lost
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Isn't it always just the worst that such moments of clarity and realization always occur AFTER the fact? - Matty Malaprop

SMP CLASSIC: Well At Least Your Bifocals Are the Right Prescription

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cell phone,contacts,double meaning,glasses,literalism,phone,reason
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He may be able to see now at least, but he'll still never overcome the social astigmatism attached to flip-phones in this day and age. - Matty Malaprop

And They Don't Even Cell My Prescription Here!

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cell phone,contacts,double meaning,explanation,glasses,Hall of Fame,literalism,lost,phone,phones
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Without any corrective gear, my vision's fuzzier than an AT&T signal in the wilds of Montana. #rimshot - Matty Malaprop

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