Isn't it always just the worst that such moments of clarity and realization always occur AFTER the fact? - Matty Malaprop

In the end, he wound up in a holding Duracell, but he tried to stay positive about the whole messy affair. - Matty Malaprop

He may be able to see now at least, but he'll still never overcome the social astigmatism attached to flip-phones in this day and age. - Matty Malaprop

Without any corrective gear, my vision's fuzzier than an AT&T signal in the wilds of Montana. #rimshot - Matty Malaprop