SMP CLASSIC: Well At Least Your Bifocals Are the Right Prescription

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SMP CLASSIC: Well At Least Your Bifocals Are the Right Prescription
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He may be able to see now at least, but he'll still never overcome the social astigmatism attached to flip-phones in this day and age. - Matty Malaprop

Ironically, it Isn't Cordless

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Ironically, it Isn't Cordless
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If you've ever felt imprisoned by your dependence on your phone, well now you know you've been right about that all along. - Matty Malaprop

His Calling Plan Is Very Restrictive...

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His Calling Plan Is Very Restrictive...
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As if the plague's effect on one's reception wasn't bad enough... - Matty Malaprop

And They Don't Even Cell My Prescription Here!

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And They Don't Even Cell My Prescription Here!
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Without any corrective gear, my vision's fuzzier than an AT&T signal in the wilds of Montana. #rimshot - Matty Malaprop