The greatest hits collection features such jams as "Ishmael Shot the Sheriff," "Redemption Harpoon" and "No White Whale No Cry." - Matty Malaprop

Maybe we can pick out whatever keeps stopping it up with some redemption tongs? - Matty Malaprop

Thank you, anonymous submitter, for providing me with this post title. I figured Jennifer Aniston was dead by the end no matter who her romantic counterpart was. HAYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOO- - Matty Malaprop

Hey, hey, put down your guns! I'm just the courier of the Times News here!