Wally? When Did You Get Here?

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after,before,double meaning,flash,literalism,Photo,with,without
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Did you remember to bring the replacement bulb for the camera? You didn't. Well, crap. - Matty Malaprop

Then She Grilled Me About the Meeting

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before,club,Hall of Fame,her,herbivore,Lame Pun Coon,similar sounding,vegetarian
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I played along though, in hopes she would leek information that I could relay to the campus carnivores. - Matty Malaprop

Tom Waits...

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after,before,double meaning,literalism,strikes,striking,surname,Tom Waits,waiting
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He also plays the xylophone and hangs out at diners with Iggy Pop! Is there anything this man can't do?? - Matty Malaprop

Ain't Nuffin' Gonna Stop My Muffin Top

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after,before,literalism,muffin,nothing,related,similar sounding
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Clearly this joke is just shamelessly pandering to all the "30 Rock" fans out there. - Matty Malaprop

Classic Newb Hipster Mistake!

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answer,before,burn,coffee,cool,double meaning,hipster,literalism,question,sip,tongue
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Every veteran hipster knows you don't drink your coffee until you've chain-smoked four cigarettes, duh! - Matty Malaprop

With Great Facial Hair Comes Great Responsibility

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after,before,comparison,ice,ice cube,literalism,opposites,shaved,shaved ice,unshaved
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I just hope this intrepid cube doesn't melt under all the pressure. - Matty Malaprop