How People Viewmaster

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How People Viewmaster
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No offense, "how people view me" dude, but Viewmasters are waaaaaaaaaaay cooler than you could ever hope to be. #nostalgiaformylostchildhood - Matty Malaprop

Tom Waits...

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Tom Waits...
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He also plays the xylophone and hangs out at diners with Iggy Pop! Is there anything this man can't do?? - Matty Malaprop

He Must Be in Prison Often Since His Voice Ain't Ever Free

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He Must Be in Prison Often Since His Voice Ain't Ever Free
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... because his voice is lovely, and he's got a talent for narration, and thus he can charge people lots of money to do voiceover work, and so it's not free, since it costs money... - Matty Malaprop

And I Do Mean ALWAYS

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And I Do Mean ALWAYS
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Otherwise you run the risk of contaminating your meal with that disgusting eggzema you just can't seem to get rid of. - Matty Malaprop

Don't Have a Cow, Now

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Don't Have a Cow, Now
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Let us rumen-ate on where she might have come from, shall we? - Matty Malaprop