And I Do Mean ALWAYS

Favorite
always,before,dinner,hands,hens,literalism,rule,similar sounding,wash
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Otherwise you run the risk of contaminating your meal with that disgusting eggzema you just can't seem to get rid of. - Matty Malaprop

Ain't Nuffin' Gonna Stop My Muffin Top

Favorite
after,before,literalism,muffin,nothing,related,similar sounding
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Clearly this joke is just shamelessly pandering to all the "30 Rock" fans out there. - Matty Malaprop

Tom Waits...

Favorite
after,before,double meaning,literalism,strikes,striking,surname,Tom Waits,waiting
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He also plays the xylophone and hangs out at diners with Iggy Pop! Is there anything this man can't do?? - Matty Malaprop

Then She Grilled Me About the Meeting

Favorite
before,club,Hall of Fame,her,herbivore,Lame Pun Coon,similar sounding,vegetarian
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I played along though, in hopes she would leek information that I could relay to the campus carnivores. - Matty Malaprop

With Great Facial Hair Comes Great Responsibility

Favorite
after,before,comparison,ice,ice cube,literalism,opposites,shaved,shaved ice,unshaved
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I just hope this intrepid cube doesn't melt under all the pressure. - Matty Malaprop

I'm Holding Out for Handlebar Potter, Personally

Favorite
after,before,double meaning,hairy,Hall of Fame,Harry Potter,homophone,literalism,shaved
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Mostly because then I'd have reason to loudly exclaim: "You're a greaser, Harry!" - Matty Malaprop

Don't Have a Cow, Now

Favorite
answer,before,cow,cows,heifer,her,herbivore,question,similar sounding
- -

Let us rumen-ate on where she might have come from, shall we? - Matty Malaprop