It's actually refreshing, that question. Everyone just assumes I'm jam or preserves and moves on with it! Do you know how much it hurts to live your life misclassified? - Matty Malaprop

First time he opens his mouth about a white whale, I'm jacking a lifeboat and rowing the hell out of here. - Matty Malaprop

My hat's off to you for this one, Trollbek. - Matty Malaprop

I. HATE. EVERYONE. I hate Cody H less than Matt Piece, but still. Different degrees, same underlying disgust. - Matty Malaprop

You nitwit! I said I was a Capricorn, not a Calculus! - Matty Malaprop

This isn't a breakup between the two of them so much as it's a very very heated divorce, if you ask me. - Matty Malaprop

Viagra: It makes Santa go 'round the world. - Matty Malaprop