literalism,similar sounding,soccer,socrates
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Euthyphrootball has never been my personal forté; it always feels like such an athletic trial to me. - Matty Malaprop

conversation,facebook,lolwut,nomenclature,status,tree,trees
By Unknown
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Her boyfriend's name is Douglas Fir, but what she doesn't know is he's been pollenating with other lady-trees and is now a carrier of Phytophthora root rot. - Matty Malaprop

double meaning,internet,literalism,mother,spider,web,world wide web
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Also, you may be the cutest spider in existence, but I'm still going to stomp the sh*t out of you if I ever see you on the street.

Love, Matty Malaprop

double meaning,line,literalism,punch,punchline
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Me and my friends do this to my roommate everytime he starts humming Dashboard Confessional's "Screaming Infidelities." You'd think he'd have learned by now... - Matty Malaprop

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